The mitzvah
Honoring and revering your father and mother is one of the Ten Commandments. Honor means caring for them; reverence means respecting their dignity.
The sources
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long.”
“Every person shall revere his mother and his father.”
Reverence: not sitting in their place or contradicting them. Honor: giving them food and drink, dressing them, helping them come and go.
What you need
- Time and attention
Step by step
- Call or visit — not only when you need something.
- Speak respectfully, even when you disagree. Disagree gently and privately.
- Don’t sit in your parent’s regular seat or contradict them in front of others.
- Help without being asked: errands, rides, a meal.
- Stand when they enter the room — a sign of respect.
- If a parent has passed away: say Kaddish, light a yahrzeit candle on the anniversary, give tzedakah and learn Torah in their memory.
Questions people ask
What if my parent is hard to deal with?
Family situations can be complicated, and halachah takes that seriously. Talk to a rabbi you trust about your situation.
Does this apply to step-parents?
There is an obligation to honor step-parents and in-laws as well. A rabbi can explain the details.
Is there a blessing?
No blessing is said — the mitzvah is in the doing.
Your family’s way
Customs around Kaddish and mourning differ. Your shul can guide you.
The inner dimension
The Talmud teaches there are three partners in every person: Hashem, the father and the mother. Honoring parents honors Hashem (Kiddushin 30b).
Call one of your parents today — just to talk.
These are general guidelines. Customs differ between communities, and for a personal question, ask a rabbi you trust.